i simply don’t know how i’m supposed to feel. when i’m asked the infamous “how are you feeling?” i always hesitate and usually have one of two responses. good, or bored. it’s not even an answer, it’s just a word. a response so we can move on. i think it’s great that my doctor is competent enough to treat me based on a psychiatrists direction and she really is a great doctor,  but i still feel like i need something more.  something more directed at what in the heck is going on, rather than just medication and frequent blood tests.  she mentioned a while back something about a new psychiatrist moving into her medical complex, maybe she’s trying to wait it out. Maybe she has a lot of faith in this new person and really wants her to take me on. i sure hope this is the case. i kind of thinking i’m heading somewhere back there, where i don’t want to be.

i’m still dwelling on my childhood, and why i can’t seem to remember anything. somehow that has become of no significance and that kind of makes me anxious about it. i want to know why even more. shouldn’t i be able to remember something other than “that”?

oh, and i hate my job, what else is new!